As “Big Steve” was walking on the edge of icy snow covered cliffs with over 500 foot drop offs (a wrangler later confirmed that indeed, I had been given the “edge hugger”!) I realized that I have some trust issues. I had been told in the pre-ride prep that while any animal can at times be unpredictable, no one has ever died on one of their mules. Naively, I gave Big Steve the full benefit of the doubt.
I figured anything this big had to be strong and because he looked old, probably knew what he was doing. My trust at the beginning was based on logic; this company would not be doing this if it wasn’t safe. (What I was not told until two weeks later by one of my friends, was that his mother had broken both of her legs when her mule stumbled and died!)
Ten minutes into the ride, my initial confidence was badly shaken. The trust I had started with crumbled along with the snow. My body was trembling. Emotionally, my response was entirely different from previous reasoning that this animal was trustworthy. If Big Steve’s compulsion to crack snow off the edges wasn’t bad enough, I suspect that he was not allotted enough time to eat the morning of our ride. I’ll never know for sure if he was given the time to finish breakfast.
What I DO know, is that instead of moving his over-sized body on the many switchbacks that dictated focused turning, he headed straight down the near vertical drop-offs for a chance to munch on the tops of greenery! Even my self- talk, “dying this way would be a quick way to go” was not all that reassuring.
Isn’t that similar to trusting someone with your heart? Most, if not all of us, have felt the pain of loss or betrayal by someone we depended on. Once that happens, you want to trust but are afraid to. You understand that it is risky to share the deepest treasures of your heart with another; your fears, hopes, and dreams. A quick death may seem less painful than having your heart broken. Like it or not, trust is tested when you are the most vulnerable.